Book Review: How to Win Friends and Influence People in the Digital Age by Dale Carnegie and Associates

"People who have big sphere of influence is more than just smart communicator"

This book is an updated version of the original book titled "How to Win Friends and Influence People" published in October 1936 by Dale Carnegie and becoming the timeless best-selling book. This updated version published in 2011 is created by the idea how social media becomes a massive platform for people to communicate their minds. In this book, it mentions social media like Twitter and Facebook (popular social media in 20th century). But, it will not talk about how to gain followers and likes in those platforms to be influencer since that is not the real definition of people with big sphere of influence, so do not worry, you do not have to start buying follower or likes hehe :)

First of all, let me tell the background how I gotta read this book. This belongs to my sister since 2016, I remember bought it with her and had no interest to read this (since I don't enjoy reading back then). One day in 2019, she moved out to another city because of work, she just left all her books behind with me include this one.

When I saw this book again before I began reading this, I assumed that this book will give me tips and tricks to win friends and influence people in the way surprisingly and scientifically. It turns out surprise me as well that actually simple and small things in our daily life are the key to succeed in social life. Plus, this book affirms its argument by citing other books opinion on certain issues. I am so happy with this too because somehow it gives me other readings reference hehe J

Are you ready?

There are so many things to talk about this book but I will not put those all in this post, instead I will put hints what inside the book, let you be curious and read the book yourself. 

There are two majors substances in this book which are do's and dont's. The author explain the don'ts first which are don’t criticize, don’t curse, don’t complain. In this digital age, many people do those three don’ts  in their social media platform. The reason behind why don’t criticize, curse and complain is because people want positive energy and thus they want to be with positive people and those three dont's otherwise will release negative energy. People with big sphere of influence are aware of words they use will be representative of themselves out there. Be a positive communicator! 

There are two more don'ts which are don't argue and don't judge that I feel really essential but sometimes we forget because of basic ego of human “winning”. As a former debating team member, I have a tendency to argue when someone’s statement according to me is not right because I know the fact and I know more than them. And it felt so good when they admit I am right at the end. BUT, do I know how they feel afterward? NO. What is good in arguing if not in competition? In life, arguing is leading more harm than good. Relationship is broken with this behavior. You don’t achieve that winning spot like in competition instead you get losing spots because people avoid you and keep you away at the worst scenario. So don’t argue if you don't have the clear objective why should you. Then don’t judge. Don’t judge someone is wrong. If it is really needed to say so, say it in very good way and avoid the sentence “you are wrong”

Next, let's talk about the do's. This book told me that be sincere in your conversation with other and in affirming goodness in people. I strongly believe in the principle of “what comes from heart it will touch any kind of people’s heart”.  There should be two way of communication in conversation or dialogue right. BUT, so many people tend to have one and half hour talking about themselves in two hours dialogue with people. Does it make them having the big influence? NO. People need to be heard as well. So, be good listener not only listening but put interest on their interests thus you can connect more with people. 

Some basic things to build up sphere of influence in relationship with people are "remember their name, smile often and be generous". These are acts of respecting others cause people want to be respected and these are considered as positive act also. 

Before reading this book, I had ever asked one of my seniors named Ancellmus Mario about how he is so easygoing, having many friends, thus leading them as great leader with big sphere of influence. He exactly said the same things as this book which I can see the reflection in his real lives. Some examples that I found out are, he does not like k-pop at all, but in order to connect more with people who have interest on this, my senior start to listen to k-pop and find out briefly about kpop, another example when my senior did not do Mobile Legend game, but in order to get along with people in Mobile Legend circle, my senior installed Mobile Legend and starts gaming with people. It is very simple but sometimes we act like "don't mind" with other things out of our interest while actually, putting interest on other's like that could benefit us as well. I think those examples are the real application of putting interest on other's. And don't worry, you will get more and more tips and real examples inside this book.

This book is trying to tell us something we actually know but we do not know it will lead to something big. We undervalue some small actions. The things that I've mentioned above only the surface of this book. If you are in the mission to be better in social life, or you are already good in social life, then wanna improve?
I highly recommend this book, 9/10.
I clearly can see why it is becoming timeless best-selling book.

You can get this book from Gramedia for Bahasa version, you can also get this book in Amazon for English version.

Happy reading all! Have a good day!